Making friends with fear

One of our guiding principles here at Go Bucket Yourself (GBY) is, “Overcoming Fear.” 

We believe wholeheartedly that every human has a desire to live a life that is wholly, authentically, intentionally, and uniquely their own. Chances are, if you’re here reading this now, you’re feeling that desire rising up from within. It may still be the quietest whisper, the gentlest of nudges, but we’re guessing you’re feeling something.

First, let’s celebrate. What a gift! Is it not truly wonderful to feel a call from deep within you beckoning you back to your very essence—the cry that signals to the you that has yet to take shape?

Where does this voice come from? How does it know? This is a marvel that should only be met with awe and wonder and ENTHUSIASM for the mystery that all of us and everything is a part of—the mystery that is gently revealing itself to you.

Ahhh.

Our guess is, based on repeated personal experience, that this idea or curiosity or longing or vision rising from the very depths of your soul is met almost immediately by a well-known friend to us all—fear.

It is true that fear is our friend. He (not sure why fear is masculine here)…or she is the little guy (or girl) that’s kept us (meaning humankind) alive up to this point. Fear tells us by the rising of the hair on the back of our neck or forearms full of goosebumps, that it’s time to get the heck out of here. It tells us when to, “Run, and take cover!” Thank you, fear!

Sometimes though, fear gets a little too loud. It begins to use not so subtle hints more and more frequently. Fear will raise a ruckus at the very chance that there might be any sort of uncertainty ahead. Fear does not like uncertainty. She sits most comfortably in warm, well-lit rooms full of people that adore her and take care of her. She wants people singing her praises; patting her on the back; looking at her with one of those smiley-face emojis with heart-eyes, all while serving her tea and snacks on a silver platter.

Ooooh, that sounds nice.

BUT, and it’s a big but, that room is small. It won’t allow for any growth. It’s certainly not equipped to hold many smiley-face emojis. Also, it’s a bit drab and boring. Being comfortable among familiar faces that appear pleased by your choices and actions sounds great in theory. However, in reality, it leaves no room for newness; no room for learning or trying; no room for the inevitable screw-ups that are the byproduct of taking on a new skill. 

So, yes, we need fear. We welcome him. Yes. And yet, sometimes we don’t, because we also need to ignore him. Yes. Both are true.

There is a lot to be afraid of: saber-toothed tigers for example and cancer and heart disease and diabetes and cavities and fires and falling from extreme heights and great-white sharks and making people mad and disappointing people and their disapproving judgments and…you get the point. After a while even the long list of things to be afraid of gets boring. How do we know what to actually be afraid of and what not to be? How do we know when fear is just down-right lying to us?

Putting fear in the back seat

In one of our most favorite books for inspiration, Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert talks about the balance of fear and creativity (that voice deep inside you begging for something more we’ve been talking about) in the metaphor of life as a road trip. If this great road trip of life is to last for any length of time at all, we want fear along for the ride, right? He’ll keep us from veering off the road right into the ditch before we even make it around the block. We’re pretty sure we want creativity there too. After all, we do want to have fun on this trip. The problem with these two together in the same car, as Liz puts it, is,

“Your fear will always be triggered by your creativity because creativity asks you to enter into realms of uncertain outcome, and fear hates uncertain outcomes. Your fear—programmed by evolution to be hyper-vigilant and insanely overprotective—will always assume that any uncertain outcome is destined to end in a bloody, horrible death.”

Whew! We don’t want that. What do we do on this trip if we need fear, not just need her but are grateful for her, and we absolutely want creativity if it’s to be a trip we can feel enthusiasm for? Well, the wise sage Liz says we thank them both. We open the door for them both. We just don’t allow fear to get in the driver’s seat. Fear gets to ride along in the back seat. Fear does not get to make the decisions about the trip along the way. Let me say that again.

Fear does not get to take the wheel on the road trip of life. Fear does not get to make any decisions about where we’re going and how we’re to get there.

That’s pretty much it.

Though there are many untold uncertainties in life, there is mostly just this one thing that almost all of us agree on—it’s temporary. All of our lives will come to an end at some unknown point in the future. It’s up to us to decide what the trip is like along the way. What kind of life do we want to create, knowing it’s just a temporary moment granted to us? Living a curious, expansive, creative, exciting, enthusiastic, glorious life will not always be safe. If that’s the type of life which is nagging at you at this moment. It will involve some uncertainty that will require overcoming this fear.

So yes, we are committed to “Overcoming Fear” at GBY. It is one of our core values. Incidentally, we also know that there is no truly overcoming fear. We need it. We want it. It’s here for the ride whether we like it or pretend to ignore it, so we might as well welcome it. 

Let’s look her in the eye.

Say, “I see you.”

“I hear you.”

Go ahead and take the high road, thank Fear for doing her job—it’s a tough one! Then, let’s take [Back?] our place at the driver’s seat and be the masters of our own destiny.

We know that one of the great contradictions of life is fear—overcoming fear actually means not overcoming it at all. It means taking it along for the ride—acting with it, in spite of it, and never because of it, all at once. That just doesn’t fit as nicely on a bumper sticker!